How motherhood, autism, and radical acceptance shape the narrative

Julie M. Green is a Kingston-based writer whose work has been featured in the Washington Post, HuffPost, The Globe and Mail, Today’s Parent, and Chatelaine. She has appeared on CTV, BBC Radio, SiriusXM, and CBC Radio. She writes The Autistic Mom on Substack.

Julie M. Green, the author of Motherness

Almost 10 years after learning that her son is autistic, Julie was also diagnosed, shedding light on a lifetime of feeling othered and misunderstood. Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance, published by ECW Press, traces Julie’s journey from childhood to early motherhood, when she must advocate for her son while navigating her own struggles.

With more girls and women being diagnosed in the last decade — many of them later in life — the face of autism is changing. Motherness provides a rich,

Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood and Radical Acceptance

intensely personal account of what it is like to be autistic, through the lens of both a mother and child. Topics include sensory processing, meltdowns and shutdowns, masking, empathy, alexithymia, bullying, elopement, special interests, disordered eating, gender diversity, twice exceptionality, and more.

Motherness is a story about accepting your child while learning to accept yourself. This extraordinary, groundbreaking memoir speaks to the great challenges and great joys of autism, providing valuable insights to parents of autistic children, adults newly diagnosed or questioning their place on the spectrum, and anyone seeking a greater understanding of neurodiversity. Discover how motherhood, autism, and radical acceptance shape the narrative for Julie. In addition to the link above, you can also find Julie on Instagram.

How motherhood and radical acceptance shape the narrative

OCW: What life experiences have shaped your writing style?

JG: Becoming a mother cracked me open. I am not the same person I was

sixteen years ago. Being a parent (in particular, a parent to an autistic

child) has altered how I see and experience everything, so that seismic

shift naturally informs my writing. I wouldn’t say writing is therapy per se,

but I have worked through A LOT on the page. A whole memoir’s worth,

in fact.

The influence of lyrical prose

OCW: Which authors and/or types of books do you like to read?

JG: I love literary fiction and memoir. In terms of style, I’m often drawn to writers who manage to blend humour and pathos. Not an easy thing to pull off. For the longest time my favourite author was Lorrie Moore. She could somehow crack you up and in next sentence, completely bowl you over. Tremendously skillful. These days, I’m awed by the work of Barbara Kingsolver and Sally Rooney. Both make exquisite writing look easy. I run a women’s book club, and the creative writing grad in me is still a sucker for lyrical prose and a deftly turned metaphor. I’d take that any day over a commercial page-turner. I’m a bit of a snob that way. Memoir is harder to pin down. Celebrity memoir is hit or miss, but I’ll give it a go if it’s someone I find intriguing, like Sinead O’Connor (Rememberings). I also enjoyed Strong Female Character (Fern Brady), Run Towards the Danger (Sarah Polley), and Superfan (Jen Sookfong Lee).

From the slush pile to a published memoir

OCW: If you’ve been published, how did you find your first publisher?

JG: As a freelance writer, I’ve been publishing my work in magazines and newspapers for years, so I had a bit of experience under my belt. But when it came to selling my first book, I felt out of my depth, especially given that I was writing memoir; I was not an “influencer” and had no real platform to speak of. I didn’t have an agent, nor did I feel like I particularly needed one at the time since I hoped to publish with an independent press. Still, going on submission without an agent and finding my way out of the slush pile was a daunting prospect. I did some research and made a very short shortlist of indies I thought would be a good fit for my memoir, Motherness. Lo and behold, I got a “maybe” from my dream acquisitions editor.

Unfortunately, that “maybe” then turned into a “no, thanks.” I was devastated because I felt in my gut that this was both the editor and the publisher I wanted to work with. So, I stubbornly made the case for a revision. The poor beleaguered editor agreed to have another look. Once the structure came together, “no, thanks” became “yes, please!”

OCW:What advice/guidance would you give to writers?

JG: If you’re scared, that probably means you’re doing it right. Also: if you have a story that won’t leave you alone, then the world needs to hear it. The adage about success being “10% inspiration and 90% perspiration” rings true in the case of writing. It’s about showing up and putting in the practice without making excuses. We are all so good at making excuses that we almost fool ourselves. That fear of failure is so primal, it will stop at nothing to “protect” us. To write, you really have to get out of your own way, I think.

OCW: Do you edit as you write, or write and edit later?

JG: I try very hard not to edit at all during the first full draft. I also tend to write most rough drafts in a notebook, which I later painstakingly type out before revising.

When I was at Concordia many, many years ago, my prose instructor (experimental novelist, Gail Scott) was quite adamant that our early drafts were written out longhand. Something about having the words travel through your hand onto a physical page makes your work more raw and emotionally honest. What Natalie Goldberg calls “first thoughts.” At he time I thought it sounded hokey and old-fashioned. Now, I’m absolutely convinced she was right.